Sleep Training 101
The earth is swallowed by the darkness of the night. Stars glimmer and the moon glistens silver and mysterious. Awakened by the cries next to me bed, I roll over and glance at my phone. Two o’clock in the morning. A zombie version of me slumps out of bed and grabs the precious little one out of her basinet. Two minutes after latching on, she is asleep and ready to go back to bed. I have literally become her binkie in the night. She is in no need of food, as she does not drink a full feeding. She is simply using me for comfort.
It’s time.
I always tell people sleep training is a few days of torcher for a lifetime of full sleep. Once your baby reaches the point of using you as a binkie in the night, they are ready to sleep through the whole night. The time at which they are ready for this varies from baby to baby. My first was still drinking full feedings in the night until he was six months old, my middle was ready at four months, and my youngest was sleeping through the night on her own by two months old. You will be the best judge of when they are ready.
WHAT YOU’LL NEED
A Self-soothing Item Such as a Binkie or Stuffed Animal
A Baby Monitor
A Separate Room for the Baby to Sleep on Their Own (if you are in a one-bedroom house, sleep in the living room for the next couple nights while you are sleep training)
HOW TO DO IT
Long story short, you need to let them cry it out. It sounds horrible, I know, but this is actually a huge developmental state for your baby. It is very important for your little one to learn how to self-sooth. This is a lifelong benefit for your child, and a healthy transition in their development.
Alongside letting them discover how to self-sooth, they need you reiterating to them that you love them. How we did this was in 15-minute intervals. When your baby starts to cry wanting nurse, or more like wanting you as a form of comfort, go in, give them a stuffed animal or a binkie to learn to self-soothing with, tell them you love them, and lay them back down. Next, expect lots of screaming. They will be mad, but they are not hurt, hungry, or in need of your comfort 24/7. Remember, this is a GOOD thing for them to learn. A lifelong skill they need to learn at this stage of their life. It is crucial to their development.
In 15 minutes, go back in, give them their soothing item, tell them you love them, and lay them back down. It is best to do this in a separate room from where you are sleeping, so you can fully exit the room. It will help you and your baby to go through this process more smoothly and effectively if they cannot see you once you outside the 15-minute intervals.
Repeat the process every 15 minutes. The first stretch will last the longest and be the most painful for you. It is not at all painful for your baby though. They are crying, but only because they are mad and trying to learn how to navigate this new phase in their routine. Crying will not hurt your baby. They will not have long term abandonment issues or feel unloved by you. Going in every 15 minutes reminds them that you love them and that you are there, but that they do not need you. None of us like change too well, even if it is for our own good. Crying is the only way your baby can communicate, so that is how they will react through this process, but keep in mind this change is GOOD. They are developing a crucial skill, and it will benefit their development moving forward.
Eventually I promise they will go back to sleep. The first time may take an hour or more, but the amount of time it takes them to fall back asleep will shrink every time and by night three, all of our babies were sleeping through the night.
Keep a baby monitor close by so you wake up when they do. Once you hear them crying, go in, give them their soothing item, tell them you love them, and lay them back down. Then start your 15-minute process again. I always set a timer on my phone so that if I dosed off, I could wake up when it was time. Babies thrive on a schedule, so sticking to the 15-minute intervals will make your baby feel safe and secure…even if you can’t tell through the crying.
The first night they will wake up and go back to sleep many times. This night will be the longest, but it will only get better. Don’t give in and latch them on at any point, or you will start the process all over again. Next time it will be even harder. Babies are smart, and they will learn that if they cry long enough and hard enough, then you will give in. So they will cry longer and harder the next time around because you gave in the one time. Trust me, it is best to stay strong and sick to the 15-minute intervals.
By night two, the window of time they are awake crying, will be smaller, and more than likely, fewer times. You will notice longer stretches of time between each wake-up phase, and you will begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel! On night two, I would cut out the time I went in right when they woke up. So, when they wake up and start crying, instead of going in right away, I would start a 15-minute timer and then go in when that went off. Then repeat the process as usual, every 15 minutes, until they go back to bed.
By night three, all three of our babies would be sleeping through the night. If they woke up, they would only fuss for a moment and then fall right back to sleep. We wouldn’t even have to go in because they were back asleep before the 15-minute timer went off.
By night four, you will get a full night’s sleep and wake up in a panic wondering if your baby is still alive. Ha! It will be wonderful! Your baby will feel rested, you will feel good and rested, and the day will precede with positivity.
WHEN TO DO IT
We always chose to sleep train over a weekend, so that my husband and I could tag team the effort. Plus, it is nice to have someone else’s support reminding you that this is actually GOOD for your baby.
My husband and I would alternate who went in every 15 minutes to give them, their binkie, tell them that we loved them, and lay them back down.
HOW TO MAKE THE PROCESS MORE BEARABLE
Especially the first night, you will not get much sleep. It will be a combination of hating to hear your baby cry and needing to go in every 15-minutes to lay them back down.
To distract yourself and help the night go by, make it a fun movie night for you and your hubby. Being watch your favorite series or jump from one movie to the next.
ALWAYS set a timer for the 15-minute intervals so that you do not lose track of time or sleep through the 15-minutes. Also, have a baby monitor nearby, so that you can hear when your baby wakes up and goes back to sleep.
REMEBER
This is a GOOD thing for your baby. It is not a selfish decision on your part because you want more sleep. Sleep training is a developmental state in a baby’s life that has very positive effects on their future developments.
Crying will not hurt your baby. They are simply expressing that they are mad and trying to navigate this new aspect of their routine. Change is hard for most anyone, and your baby will work through this naturally by crying. They are not hurt, or hungry, or need your comfort 24/7. They must learn to slef-sooth.
This is short lived. It will feel like it is lasting forever in the moment, but when done correctly, sleep training should only take a few days. Not weeks or months. Babies are fast learners, but they are smart, so they will pick up on the moments they “win” and push the process further than needed.
STAY STRONG! If you give in once, it will start the process all over again. Remember, your baby is smart and if you give in just once at any point, they will know that if they cry long enough and hard enough, you will give in. This will make the sleep training process only harder for both of you moving forward.
Choose a time when your spouse can help you with the sleep training. It is always helpful to have a partner to support you and encourage you through this phase. Also, it allows you to get more sleep than doing it all on your own.
ALWAYS set a timer so you do not lose track of time or sleep past the 15-minute intervals.
Your baby thrives on a schedule so sticking to 15-minute intervals will make your baby feel safe and secure.
YOU’VE GOT THIS MAMA!